after x'mas was like not so over, i quickly get out of
safra and went to yishun pond.
Gosh, i miss sitting there and be alone.
Being all alone just make me who I am again,
well, I was there with my best friend,
the pair of scissor.

X'mas was great but in the middle
of it i just can't stand all the laughter anymore.

there was like nothing wrong in the event but
I got the sudden surge to cry.
It just happen...when they serve

the cake, I cld nt even finish it.
Jamie ask why did I not finish it and
I just said I was full. But at that
time, all the emotional baggage that just resurface.

I just felt like running out of that
happy situation and just be myself.
Sitting beside yishun just gave me
a piece of tranquility. I like it
when I am all alone there. Listening
to music and sing along with it.

Well, I know there is something
that is not right with me.
I kind of like the sensation of
pain so that I can displace the
feeling of emptiness and insecurities in me.
Pain somehow cancel out that feeling and even better,
it let me express out those feeling.
I know it is stupid to hurt myself with the
scissor, but i kind of like it...my left hand is the victim...

hmm, I am psychologically not right i know,
but I am so not going to commit suicide.
Though yesteday, i imagine what will it be
like if i jump to yishun pond. haha,,madness

I think it is karma,
I been happy for too long and it is time
for this negative feeling to be expressed.
Like a broken dam, u need to let all the water
out so that it can subside.