long post beware!!

ok. I was reading my entries in my private blog and i discover something. Yes i have a private blog, who don't? anyway, this occur to me that.......


most of us is a victim of our own emotion.
we are always having a sense of insecurity, loneliness and despondency.for example........


this is a post from my private blog....


19/3/2006


So deep I have fallen,
worse than Lucifer expel from heaven
teary eyes went beyond swollen
I find comfort in a dark cold cavern


Well, the poem fits perfectly for todays entry.
People come people go, they just don't stay anymore...
in the end they will be gone, some soar away, some disappear and some dissolve in memory.

Some are nice and some are not nice. Some we miss alot and some we hope are missing. BUT in the end, they will all go away.


so my question is, why do we have to meet them in the first place? After years of emotional investment, they will fly away. In the end you are left mending the pain of losing your friends.LOL.

In the end, what is the point in having them in the first place?
So that everytime we lose a friend we can feel lonely?
LOL, might as well get use to being lonely ritex.
Well, from my previous post, depending on someone makes you vulnerable.
So this what friends do, thought it is a double-edge thing, in the end, you will cut yourself.

k den got to fly!!

end of post



*I know how u guys feel, i sound pathetic......simply pathetic.LOL
incrediblely i only have vague memories about this post.....
maybe i wrote it in an impulse...... I am flabbergasted that I have this type of thought in me,seriously, it is weird. may be the cause of it is that we listen to our heart rather than our brain. ok, this is really funny. I am laughing at my own entry but if u think this is bad, it got worse....


23/3/2006

Bind my hearts and soul
this blog hold all
hush! whatever here must never be told
Silent! just listen to my call.


In the corner again, looking up......there is nothing to look forward too.
Something is bugging me, what if somebody find out about this blog?
hmm? would there be any who would figure that I am the writer of this blog?
Who will know who is "I"?

but then again, not many blog hop ritex?

I got a new phone. I kind of like but at the same time, good stuff carry responsibility.
I just hate it. Even if it is small one, it is like a i am bearing the weight of heaven and earth.
I just want to be free!


I dont my feet to feel the ground. I want to go beyond it. No point stay in this lonely world.
I want to away. far away from this physical world. Somewhere far where I can be myself and alone again. I know that one day I am the one who will one day walk alone in this road.
I will bear nothing and nothing will hold on to me.

I dont feel attach to anyone anymore. Nothing is dear to me. I feel that no one is this freaking life is significant anymore. I am becoming more cynical by the days. I got this feeling that I am going to be a hermit soon.

I dont know why but I yearn for a friend. I have plenty of them but no more a very close friends. The one which you can just call up out of the blue and complain to him/her about how piss you are toward someone shits. I used to have that I my secondary sch but now more.
I am just like freaking alone. Nothing is there for me and no one to listen to this voice of mine.
My complain, my weakness and my emotion is in this blog. Pathetic.

Like I have no life! but since when I have a life anyway.
MY life is like a sand that have been smash like a big waves. It just go with the flow.
boring.....My back have no back bone......i am just a follower.


Shits, I got distracted. It broke my chain of thought. LOL

LOL, Gosh, I really make myself sound pathetic. That why I dont usually like to listen to my heart. It have alot of rubbish to say and in the end I become dsyfunctional.

Ok, let not follow this heart of mine. THis is enough for todaY.


end of post


I am laughing!! wahahahhahahahahaahhaahhahahahahahahahha. oh god,
Give me P. Give me an A. Give me T. Give me H. Give me an E, .Give me a T
Give me I Give me a C. why do you get????? PATHETIC!!!!!!!!! LOL... ok, If i was in that depressive mood, i wonder where did i get the strength to write all this.
Honestly...........This is a joke. I know i wrote this but i dunno why I wrote this.
sheesh.......LOL, anway, Dont take everything in today entry seriously. I am laughing at my own epitome of stupidity.

ok this is the worst!!






24/3/2006

Innocence of new born
As pure as untouch land
by time it is tattered and torn
such purity dissipate in the sand



how I wonder? Why I become what am I now? have you ever wander why suddenly you behave that way? why suddenly you are like this? Why is your character behaving that way?

If you say it is genetic then I would ask you this," then why should we live life instead since we are so called " programme" to do something?"

i wonder what wrong with me. More importantly what went wrong.Why am such a depressing little bastard? Why I am such an ugly little rat still living here?
TY say something in his blog that make me write this entry.

I hate myself for being such a loser. I have nothing to compare to others. People out there have money,good looks, great partner and great life. I am nothing compare to those people. I wonder why am I not born into a rich family??I wonder? Why life is so cruel to me in a way that it wants me to suffer and I have to keep lying to myself everyday that I am not a materialistic person. I lie to myself thinking I am alright. I lied to everyone around thinking I am proud of myself. BUT not know. I hate myself. I have nothing practically. I have no asset........

Why am the one who is weird in the family? what went wrong for me? Why Am I not that normal. Why Am so evil? I am a total flaw. An anomoly to the world. I backstab, gossip and lie. I am once so pure, but what am i now/ I am a sigh disgust. Like a pariah, I should not be near to anyone..........just be isolated

I am just driting apart.........can say I am broken.broken everywhere......I am the men with a thousand facet. I have many sides but which one is truly mine.

end of post

this is what happen when u listen to your heart. too much.......you become ridiculous.....woooo hooo... my stomach hurts.........i cannot fathom what am i blabbering about......ok...

so in the end what have I learn?well, it no use to feel negaitive feeling which is going to make you look like a fool. seriously learn to ignore this type of nonsense.

life suck i noe, if it not it would be boring and we dont know wht is fun in the first place. all this negative emotion do not need our attention. Thank god there is a blog, now i can see the fool i was.LOL

so ppl cheers!!!