I apologise for the lack of the update.....i was lazy, distracted and unmotivated.
Sorry.

Well, I am hanging by my emotion lately.
Every sad show can put me to tears.Plus this background music on my blog set the mood.
I understand that music may not suit the layout on my blog. Well a disney's classic with a pretty offensive layout is quite an irony. Totally from two different extreme. I suppose it is ok.
My life always have been in the world of contradiction, irony and between. I get the best of both world and also it dirts. I notice I have not always been on the proper path. It is either incomplete or both side cannot match.

Well, what do I mean by this, let me give you an example.
In secondary school I took pure sciences subject without Additional math (what a combination)
Nursing( it is both science and art, so how? so it is in between)


That is just a few example, I wont give anymore example.haha

Haiz, I always wish that I could dissipated in the wind and cease to exist.
I prefer being a mere dust and not go with life. Everyday just get harder, much harder.
I want time pass me by without bothering me so much but now it seem that I am fighting and trying to catch up with it. Where is my free and easy lifestyle gone to? I miss my life before I enter poly dearly. So carefree, not much worries. It was smooth sailing. I don't have sleepless night. I do not need to wake up so early. It's not that I am suit with my life but more like life suiting itself to me. But that time have long gone. Back then I remember I am a compassionate person, every sad news touch my heart but now every death seems meaningless. I grew very cold. May be become numb. People say death is natural thing, but I have never feel it so natural like now.


What have I become? I really wonder where is the road I am walking leads me to. Furthermore is the road which I reluctantly took. Well, I should be appreciative with what I have now, but in the end would all of this be worth while for me? I do not know what going on with me. It seem like I have no control of my life. It is drifting away from where I want it to be. MY hearts bleed feeling this way. I dare not show it. In a stranger eyes, I am a happy. In my eyes (through a mirror obviously) I am quite a failure. A person walking on a his broken dream, unsure amd lost.


Now I wish when swim in a river, my molecules just broke down. Like sugar dissolving.


Well, I am not suicidal lah. But I dont like life now. It seem so hard, so cruel.
I gave up on my family. They are just emotional irritating. I gave up on my class. Shits just keep popping out from no where. I gave on my life. It totally feel apart. I gave up on my own dream.
It just cannot happen.

Every year it get worse......I dont believe there is such of a better year anymore.


But one thing for sure, I never give up my sweet memories be it with my close friend or anyone else. It give me the strength to move on. I will try to find my happiness which seem to be lost..........