The one-eyed bitch

lol! funny nick name that have been bestowed to me by my brothers. LOL
They can always make a joke out of the most depressing thing.

I am getting better! the steroid make my sight work better!

I wanted to have this policy of writing only happiness in my blog! but well, I think I just cant take it! I just want to vent thing out!

Honestly! I feel like being alone! Just being alone where nobody can contact me!
I have been binge eating! That is what I normally do when I am moderately stress!
So i have gain weight tremendously! I gt a pot belly ! Bigger than my man boobs! rounder and curvier! LOL

yeah! I am rambling! saying random stuff that is not coherent and super ultra random!
Why am I doing this? Again, there is so many thought that is going through my mind that i need it to be sorted out! I think i just repeated myself! Now I feel like that idiotic monkey MOJO JOJO.

With what I am going through now, I look normal! But I cant look at people normally!
I mean I feel lonely with that condition! I feel so lost and dead.
Nobody understand me! Like who the hell would understand me!! I cant see clearly now!
I have to guess what the hell is written on that bloody board!
When I want to go to the cinema! I feel like that is a waste of money since I cant see it clearly!
I like to see beautiful things but now. WOW! but it doesnt seem to be worth it now!
I even got frustrated when I was watching the damn TV!

I am 20! I have a career infront of me and a gazillion things that I wanna do! But now, i feel my life is so blight! Like of all things this happen to me. Me??? What the hell did I do to anyone to deserve this. Ok fine, i bitch and gossip alot! so???



ARRGRGGRHRHHRHRHRHRHHRHRHHRHRHRHRHRHHRHRHRHRH!! Roar!

Now I feel like I am living out the life of a one-eyed bitch!
Repressed, angry, frustrated and regressing!!

..........................................................................................................................................



Ok now! now i feel so much better! YEAH! I know alot of people care for me!
But now! I just want to recuperate! both the inside and outside! so now I am so going to sleep! And not a single vulgarities use! I am impressed with myself! LOL!! TML will be a super great day!


*this is post is not about you! Or you or you who still insist it is about you! Nor it is about me being suicidal! It is about me who is having haemorroid right now and diarrhea( perfect combination!!) and in pain which make me bitchy! ok! tatas~~

The Eye injury follow by postponement of my National Service Enlistment.

Apparently, what happen to me in the last week till now, it is the time where I can never forget.
I almost become blind. Yes. Almost become blind.

I spent days and nights in a great distress. I was in verge of killing of myself. Yes. I really thought of that. Not that I was alone nor feeling emotional because I couldnt find a mates or whatsoever.

I had an injury to my right eye. My spectacles broke and 6 shard of glass gt impacted into my eyeball. Worse of all, it could not be wash away. My eye was so swollen that I could not even open it. When I attempted to open that eyelid of mine, it will naturally close in like 5 second. It was even beyond the nerve control. If people ask me how bloodshot was my eye? It is was as bloodshot as you can imagine.

While I was in the accident and emergency, the waiting is just so agonizing. I was suppose to wait for another 10 patient before they could attend to me. Well, lets just say the hospital works too slow. The pain that I was having is beyong words. Tears just kept flowing out of my right eye like a never-ending stream. Well, it last for hours and hours. I just had to tell the nurse how bad i was suffering for them to hasten up and fast forward the waiting time. Well, the House officer couldnt do anything much! so I was refer to the eye specialist. There I waited for another 2 more hours just to be attended.

In the emergency department, the doctors took out 5 out of the 6 shard out of eye.
Initially they thought, they was only 3 shard. Then a senior doctor came and found 3 more.
Well, I thank him for finding the 3 other shards. but honestly he is an ASSHOLE!!!!!
his attitude stink!! Well, I hope when he gt sick or something, may the force of all the healthcare industry treat him like shits. ok! finally I let out of my chest!

He told me that I may be become blind. to be specific mostly to become bling.
He say the laceration was so bad that it right smack in the middle of my cornea.
Well, thanks to him! I was in suicidal mode. They left one glass in my eyes coz they could not remove it. The glass burrow quite deeply. so it can be remove immediately.

I went back home crying! My eye was green due to all the chemical the doc use. Yes, it was damn green! I called Khai! I feel so much better after talking to him. Then there was Juli, Mandy and Grace. Love them both. Anyway, Fearing that I become blind. to tell u the truth, I was in stage of denial like why this happen to me? I woke up the next day for my next appointment.
This time around the doc is way better. There again, they would not remove the last piece of shard as they want other wound to heal first.

So in total, I spent 3 days with a glass in my eye! Imagine that.
I had strong support from my mum and dad. Love them both. My mum cried all night long.
I felt sorry for putting her in that state. When I was in the emergency department, I tried a couple of time to cheer her up. But a mother instinctive sense of care and worry never shook off.

I am nurse and I always say health is all about the mind to everyone and my patients.
This time around I was put to the test. I had positive thought all the way. I do not denied the fact there was a moment I felt so down. Waking up and the feeling I am gg to be blind lingered in the morning sky. But, I thank god for my strong will and support from my mum and dad and the royals. They are reason that I felt so strong.

As you know, I hate doctor like most of the time. I refuse to believe what he say.
I allowed myself to feel depress and then shake it off. After that, I say in my heart and in my soul " Thank you for my healing". I say it like a mantra everyday! With the pain so agonizing, I believe in those words so much. I look into the mirror with my bloody eyes and say " Thank you for my healing" or "I have heal".

On wednesday, they remove the last piece of glass. That remove the pain totally! Can u imagine it hurt everytime you blink!! but i kept believing that I am healing! That I am getting better!
Then the doctor say that the laceration was so close to the middle of my cornea. So close!! and I am quite lucky for that! haha

Now I am believer in the power of the mind and faith!

The very next day was my enlistment date. LOL! When all the way to tekong just to be rejected.
haha. Well, after what happen to me....i wasnt ready for tekong. The Medical officer there look at my eye and I can see from his expression that it looks bad!
HE said : Wah! Not fit for enlistment! you cant even shoot ah! the only thing is that u can run,
but if u fell down, u might hurt ur precious left eye.
LOL.

then now I am here. rejected from tekong until my eye heal to the fullest.


I am healing and I am getting better! LOL

Health is all about what it in the mind. Now I believe what I preached.