The sky seems to be dark lately
Not physically, but within my small universe that surround me.
the ray of light which I been holding dimming..........

I wanna turn back time if I have the chance.....
...reality just suck....life just suck...surrounding just suck.

Everything seem to be SUCKY!!


i dont enjoy sch latety!!!!! I kind of hate sch. well, I ask myself whether I am meant to do this?
DO I?


I cannot denied that i had suicidal feeling all the time. Finding opportunity for the perfect death. Despondency within is creeping out. Deluding myself no longer works.


I felt like trash everyday, I hate hypocrite. I hate whinning bitch who complain every single fucking stuff about me.

HOnestly, I mizz time in NVSS, coz everything under the fucking sun is a topic to share.
laughter, problem, sadness, joy is seen in everyone......

haiz, my life went the wrong way........i feel like shit! piece of fucking shit.


plus what i felt is is explain in this way. I wish to quote a Good Friend of mine by the name of Sarah Ong in her blog, www.simply-perfect.blogspot.com.....

this is her entry on Monday. October 17 Year 2005 :

ive observed that people go in cliques and if you dont belong, you JUST CANT BELONG, get it? some people try so hard to squeeze into the grps of their choices but they JUST DONT FIT IN. in other words, they are UNWELCOMED. of course im not saying that my friends wil kick me out if i try to fit in, but seriously, wont it be awkward if i try to fit in? i mean, i know its not right to do that. its just against my values. and i wont be happy either, knowing i dont rightfully belong there.

ive also noticed, cliques in sg go by races. most of them. so when a chinese tries to enter an indian clique or vice versa, they just wont get along well, you know? im not being racist btw, just stating examples. it just happens that way. and i dont know why. i dont know whats wrong. maybe its e language? they cant connect?

Sarah,O(2005)untitle .Available http://simply-perfect.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_simply-perfect_archive.html (2005,Oct 17)


I honestly find that her entry is true. I really cannot denied the fact that if ur not in the clique You can never be one.

hmmp hmmp hmpp!!

i wanna buy pen knives soon.....

HELLO


HELOO!!!!


hello


hello!



HAiz, it is Tuesday!! hmm, Wait let me Flaskback!!!! to saturday!! haha,

so what about saturday? hmm, hehehex. well it was A-team outing. dotz, I think i am slowest person in A-team to blog about this, whahahaha. bad bad me, but it better to be late than never,.haha. Gosh, I never knew That I love barbecue. haha, Ok , here how the story goes,
last saturday was an A-team(nyp ambassadorial Team) outing to east coast. hehe. GOSH, it was at pit 7o ?? Pit 70!! lolx, it was super ulu man. hahaha, but it was nice and there is a transport back and forth from nyp. hahaha. fun ritex


aniway. we were playing games in the evening and then it rains!!! haiz, why, why why? but aniway, under the shelter we still have fun!!
haha, the rain stops about 5 plus and then ther barbeque starts!! hehehe, benjamin really knows how to make a barbeque pit, hehex. aniway,

i had fun eating all the chicken!! hehehehehehehehhehehehehhehehe. there I was laughing like mad ! so fun sia, I did not have a good laugh for such a freaking long time!!
well, the bond between A-team member grew stronger! haha, plus that barbeque remind me of the good old days when 4e1 &2 had their barbeque, haha........


well, this a short entry as need to go for tutorial. hahaha. k den got to fly!!!

DOtz Doztz!! i skip some lesson today!!
lolx, skip maternity lesson!!

haha...

school suppose to start at 8 am but I woke up at 9.15am. haha, the currenttly i try to skip bio lecture coz the lecturer found to be incompetent to teach. This i certify by HASRUL AUTHORITY OF TEACHING!!!
hehex...lame lame lame!!

aniway , today had bio practical !!! hehex, boring lah, but it is still ok!!





LOx, today we are juz going through stuff call the Urinary SYstem! boring , but ok lah...




whahaha, this is what happen when boredom is trying to kill me!! so to entertain myself, i deciced to take my pic with-know-who!! hehe, if that thing were to have head, it will be much taller than me!!! haiz, why ppl are so tall!! while i am like so short!!! *screming out loud*





!
the Human anatomy!! without the heart and bladder!! LOLz.

so now the best part of bio pratical is that U seen real human organ!! iT is like so cute!!







ok, that is a nice specimen!. how i wish i can play around with it!!.LOL, aniway, that is my lecturer hands, pointing toward the ureter!(<-------you know what is that? oh nvm) hush hush, i took this photo illegally, cant do it in the first place.

hehe, is where all the human parts are kept! under that white cloth is half of a human head!! its body and hands I think...






ok, the picture is not clear! try to visualize wht i have circle!! whahaha.....hehe

k den that all folk!! bye!

Dotz, finally I can blog!! it is so hard to transfer stuff to my com!!
damn, the computer. aniway, today began with me almost peeing on my pants!!


ok , the first thing I had today was a tutorial lesson. Suppose to have role play on nursing assessment of the respiratory system. dotz, watever that is. haiz, i was like damn blur lor, dunno what to do.....I afraid to go for that tutorial. I din prepare anything much. it like 10% complete and I dunno what to do for the next 90% of the work. LOLx. so basically, i was on a suicide mission to sch.!!!! ok fine....

i bravely step out of my hse and go to sch!!. I could feel the adrenaline seeping into my body and my stomach losing its circulation. haiz...so while walking toward yishun MrT. I saw this!!




oh my god!!! there was a crow devouring that dead rat. the bad is like an bad omen!! eww!!
ok, this make my day!!! gosh!! ya, the first thing I saw was that thing. Too much man , too much.

the my face was like this!!




ewww!!! i purposely take a picture faraway from that area!! yuck yuck yuck!!! I cant stand that dead rat.


so my morning began in a depressin way!!
lolx..........


ok, when I reach sch, everything turn out ok. blur here and there and some confusion going on.... lecturer was kind enuff to teach alot more stuff! hehex,
but aniway, I still got a nervous breakdown....hehez



ok ok, this is like a super boring entry!!!!!!


but anihow!!!
evening was like so beautiiiiiiful!!!!!

My living room literally turn GOLDEN!!!!!!! hehehez, I love it!!!





ugly photo!!!!!!!!!! yuck yuck yuck!!!

I should have taken a photo of my living room
haha, forget lah.......





i try to take a picture of the sun but turn out to be that way!!! I dun even noe how thell that black spot in the middle appear. ai yah, heck lah!!.... k den .


got to go!! tata....

I was alone again.
When this happen, i always make a review about my life.
haha, a reflection I guess.

Let's make a review of my life until now.



Now in semester 2 as a student of nanyang polytechnic. haha, semester 2 already that is fast. real fast. I still remember how scare i was when secondary school life is about to end and then being afraid of going to separate from close friends. thinking about it make shit on my pants.haha,well, it happen anyway.
then I learn something from it. What was close now so far, what so far is now so close. hehe.understand? decipher that on your own.

then everyone start to have their own lives, including me,myself and I. Meeting with new people with new attitude and new environment.haha. fitting in was hard for me, i don't particularly like changes. especially toward people who don't speak the same way as me.
meaning people who don't bitch. haha, well, at first I like my classmate as they are the non-bitching type. but then i grew tired of being the goody-goody type of people. I like being deviant. There was a point i miss bitching. hehex. How bout gossiping? i have not done that for a long time. No more gossip folk who gossip with the common topic as me.

there was time i fought with my classmate. to me i believe true friendship must have a fight at a point of their lives. friendship without any squabbles is totally crap and hypocrisy is going on between them.or may be they are just superficial friends.



one major change in my life, is when i move to a 3 room flat.haha,small but cozy. i do not deny that i miss previous house.it was so wide and spacious. hehe,infested with left over spirits that i conjure up in sec 2 when i was experimenting with witchcraft. LOL.weird, i noe.....


haiz, I miss secondary school life,it is easy-going, fun being rebellious and unity in class is very strong. trying to irritate as much teachers as possible, haha,ESPECIALLY GOSSIPING AND GETTING INTO A BITCH FIGHT.hehex, i enjoy that to the fullest.

haiz,it so late now, k den bye bye..

hmm, OK , i finally watch harry potter, LOL. ok, very slow of me, I mean thousands of people have watch it before me.niway, that show ok lah....


kind of great lah, except the last part of the show when that guy(i din catch the name) died.
haiz, i was to tears when his father to wail over his death. Oh damn it, i hate sad show coz it will only make me cry. not cry exactly, but shed some tears.

Dumbledore does not look wise or even act wise like what I have in mind. LOL. must be the new director try to change how the story goes.

hehex. k den , tata

i still have not watch harry Potter and the goblet of fire!!!


i wanna kill myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna watch that show!!!!!

ok, let me calm down!!

Blog blog blog??
I have no fucking idea what to blog about.

I just feel like blogging, but i have no topic to write about.



Damn, I am really into this jay chou song- Fa Ru Xue. Quite nice lah.
Music video also not bad lah. I first heard and watch it from MTVAsia, that is where i first started going gaga over that song.

i wanna whine about something but nothing to whine about??? hahaha.
I am soooooo writing in such an unorganised manner, not that is was organise in the first place.



lolx. so currently I am NYP computer lab. The boring lab, yeah i noe, wahahhaha......
nothing to do sia. hhaha, well, i gt many stuff to do but it seem that I am too lazy to do any of those . schooling is really pushing us to our next limit. hahaha, but not me lah.

I seems to be a unmotivated person....wahahahahhahahahaha.
aniway, i really dunno where my entry is going to.


Well, today i am quite piss with my lecturer sia. arggh. haiz, Her american accent was so thick like satay gravy that i could not even understand much what the hell she is toking.


What up with Asian speaking like bunch of westerner? why, local accent is very " degrading" izzit? LOL. nonsense. haha. I feel that bunch of people who had oversea education like 4 years in australia, and then return home and speak like Australian too. While spending like 20 years of their life here and once they return home, they forget the local accent and unable to speak local accent anymore.

Don't tell me that few years of external education cause somebody's mind to have a decay on their local accent. Or it is a trend that people who return from oversea studies speak like the people there or may be they are trying to show off their so called " american accent".

but whatever it is , it really disgust me that people try to be what they are not. I don't feel that what they are doing is call developement but more like "faking" or " some-mutation-gone-wrong-somewhere". Ok fine, I am not quite objective and more like baseless. Haha, just let me talk ya. hahaha.

LOL.

I got this feeling that I am going to die very soon. I dunno. May be die of brain tumor or a heart attack, or may be falling from some cliff or tall building. No no, I am not suicidal. It just that my brain hurt lately. I also got the feeling that I will have a cardiovascular problem, really. may be it is diabetes or even high blood pressure or kidney problem .

If You people saw my face on the obituary, just say hi to me ya. My picture will respond to you.
aniway, i heard rumour that next year nyp would want all student to have a laptop??
laptop?? for what?? that is like so dumb? nurses with laptop for what? Become High-tech nurses? weird ritex. haha High-tech nurses<----- that sounds cool.

haha, imagine nurses which only need to use the mouse and click around the computer and machine will be operated to tend to patients. hahaha, sounds cool!!

wait wait wait!! that is so not cool. It everything is done my machine and emotionless robot and then what will I do?. bad bad idea. ok, high-tech nurse idea bye bye forever.

I really wonder Why nurse are not pharmocology train?? why? why??
it is so lame if nurses cannot serve medicine without Doctors order. haiz,
aniway, I hate doctor!!! arrogant bastardise fuck up shit thinking that nurses is just their maid, To ALL Arrogant doctor!!!!!! Fuck YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehex but it is a gud thing nurses in singapore no need to dug out faeces from patients anus.
Thank God For blessing US! so doctor! we welcome you to dig hard-unexpel-shit out of the colon and rectum.

LOLx, K lah, gtg!! bye!!!

To this someone close to my heart,
I know that I am not in your shoes and I may not underStand what you are going through. I reAlly hope you are fine. I can undeRstand that it hurt alot to be in that stAte, but I hope you can react to this great adversity with much positivity. It is ok to cry and Let the emotion out, but you can't be that way forever. FAilure just make someone grow even more.Believe in that. From the ashes, you will rise like a resurrected Phoenix and soar again. If you believe in it, it will come true. I believe that life is fair. WIth every failure something better will replace it. You need to have patience so that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just dont give ya!

Hasrul

Haha, I add some image onto my blog and then found some funny images, LOlx,
enjoy!1

LOLx. I have such a fun day. Of course not in school. School practically suck everyday. So boring. Such A fuck UP Bio teacher. Such A screw module. And utterly pissing Timetable.

hang out with Quincy and watch Exocism oF Emily rose. Interesting show!! wahahahaha.
4 out of 5 popcorn!!! LOLX. so good and interesting.. although not the type of horror that I was expecting, it sure make a great impression.

scary rating is about 3 out of 5 skulls.


HAiz, I so fucking lazy to go to school!! Only got two lesson and in the middle of two lesson is 2 hours break. So Must waste my fucking 4 hours.

shut up!!! dun tell me not to use vulgarities and offensive words in my blog. This is my blog, if you dun like the content please leave immediately. Thank for Your Cooperation


LOLx, My classmate want a change of sub-group. LOLx, so called that they think sub- group one is strong. Strong??? nah, i dun think so, they have only good communication and motivated ppl. that why the are so called strong group.

but I doubt changing of sub-group would actually happen....... you know why, coz all my classmates is such a fucking coward!!!! Nato- NO ACTION TALK ONLY. disgusting, they dun even dare to voice out lor, to be a little bit deviant they become such a coward. so to this kind of stuff is a milestone.......as usual this kind of stuff sure get opposition force. sure some people will oppose but they cannot make it lah, to coward to voice out. PPL can just walk all over this type of shits.

personally if the class want to change, change lah. i dun care much of such shit but what really piss me off is group member backstabber each other. FUCK IT AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! complain that this one not contributing and such nonsense. fuck YOU!!!!! I mean is not really entirely her fault lah, she is so fucking lost like all the time. My classmate is mostly speak chinese- she is a nepalese. YOu think she can understand?? duh no . firstly she is lost in translation and then u expect her to contribute. if you were in that state, you will be in a fuck up condition. see that why they want a change of group member, coz they see that sombody is just useless in it.
But my group member is not wise enough to understand that there will be such ppl also in they change group. Plus if they did not learn how to handle this ppl, how are they going to survive in a real world. i hate ppl with not a mature thinking.

stupid group. I am not insulting my group member but just how my group work. idiotic. worse still I am the group leader. Put insult to my leadership skills. is just irritating when people cannot listen to nasty comment. worse is people who denied their flaw. my group is totally not open to bad comment. if I say sumthing sucky, they sure will start cry and whine with each other and say I suck. Fuck It lah, i dun want to be a group leader in the first place.


children

haiz, depressing..............................


school= suck=boring=screw up= irritating.

Today is such a long day!



Oh my god!!, i return home and I drop dead. so freaking tired.
ya lah , yalah, there is no such things as a long day lah.....


dotz! started Sch at 8 am. my god do you know how freaking early i have to wake up???
7.20 leh!!! it just outrageous to wake up at such an early hour.;

oh shut up!! dun compare me with U lah. You sch at np, tp or sp or whatever there is....
HEllo, it not my fault you schooling at a far place. LOLx......aniway, i went to school with such a groggy feeling.....

OK let have a pictorial account of what I do today.not alot of picture lah


firstly I had was a Maternity lesson!!!!!!!!!!
I am totallly not interested in that..........wat as if I am going into the maternity ward and watch a real labour.. Gosh such a nice word to use " watch". it sound like eating popcorn and enjoying the show . Wahahahha

Anyway, watch some labour video. oh my GOD!!!!!!

IT LOOK so PainFUL!!!! the women screaming argh ! argh!
with the eyes with open! face so like having severe constipation and there is a hairy thing coming out of the Vagina!!

OH gross.

My classmate who is mostly female was like " I am not going to get pregnant blah blah"
" eeKK, labour so disgusting" GUys you know what I mean.
whahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahaahhahahahahahhahahahahahahha


GOOdness, so funny.

aniway, women who dont get pregnant and dun breast feed
higher chance of having breast cancer!! lolx

watch out!!

Aniway, after that, i had BIO lecture. damn it , it is so hard!!!!!
it goes way beyond my mind!!!!



after that i had 4 hours breaks.
stupid ritex, so long,

anyway, it was productive!!! preparing for presentation!.

after that i had bio tutorial and then CLINICAL LAB SESSion!!

This is mY Clinical LAB room!! haha, You can see my lecturer there.
haha, from far and the back she look like an old women. LOL
she not old lah, plus pretty Young leh. dunno howc ome the picture I took become like this.
haha, well, the lab does not only look like a hospital, it smell like one too!!, trust me On that!! hahaha. Yaya, we sit on the floor!! no table or chair here. they all practising their bandaging skills. hahaha. How I wish I can bandage somebody's mouth. haha.

THese are my classmate at work, hahaha, dunno do what lah..dotz, it really look like a lesbian act!!! wahahaha, Oh my god, I got to admit that I took a photo at such a good timing!....hey, you can see the penis protruding out of the pants. LOL, talk about a real stimulation of the ward. If you look more closely, one of it's leg is gone. , we are learning how to bandage that part. hahaha.

Here meet the patients of NYP Hospital. hahahaha, Gosh, i dunno what is the gender of this dummy. LOOK like a female. LOL 

so Meet My best friend!!!! wahhahaha, so sad ritex this guy. laying on the bed like 24/7 literally. 

LOLx, had O' level english examination!!!!!!!! DAmn, I should have Never Sign UP for IT!!!!
SEE lah, DUE To my damn FREaking EGO, haiz,


Why I itchy finger sign up for it. hahaha. aniway i doubt i could make It. LOLx, waste $134.40.
lolx waste money, even that 40 cent can buy a soya bean drink, lolx

aniway It is over!!!! haham this time around I like no Stress like that. not that anxious at all,

in my Mind is just like " quickly lah, finish this fuck up stuff already, I got lecture to attend. HAHaha. In the middle of examination I am thinking of going to my Nursing Lecture. weird of me!!!



FUck, GOT school later, I hate MY fucking Psychology lecturer!!!!!!!!!! he like totally suck, Super fucking lame. wait not tht lame lah, very funny but he focus on his story that the lecture content.......my classmate go ga-ga over him, quite good looking with this american accent but still average joe lah, Nothin special.......


HMMP, HOW I wish I am at the top of a Mountain and scream the my lung out!!! that can be such a relieve....................it been long since I have very long idiotic laugh,. well i had that last monday when i meet up with sarala, hahaha, took some neoprint, turn out ok lah, not that fugly......
hahaha




HHAIZZZ !!!!!!!





I WANNA SCREAM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





i was walking around and then i saw my butt reflection!!!



I have a butt of a post pregnant women.

LOLX

OUtrageous!!!!!!!!!!

need to lose weight, need to lose weight!!!!!

Let me LISt down ALL My PROBLEMs (if I remember any of them)



1st: my weight problem-usually happen when I am stress
2nd: my apathetic attitude
3rd: feeling like being sombody's marionette everyday
4th:being left out like all the time
5th: deprive of saying vulgarities
6th: bounded by socially-constructed stereotype
7th: feeling like my life plan and what I meant to be when wrong after I join nursing.
8th: not hurting enough the people who hurt me emotionally
9th: surrounded by people who dont live up to my expectation of communication
10th: deprived of open-minded people
11th: not able to murder people who say i should be more manly
12: trying to make people of the world to understand I am a human and I do not need to smile all the time.
13th: people who have problem with my body language although it is good enough i did not insult them directly
14th: people who make insensitive joke and expect me to laugh it off.
15th: not able to use a shot gun and blow up the head off people who directly insult me
16th: not able to rip off the jaw of people who tell me that I suck
17th: feeling very stupid with only an intelligent of "above average"
18th: not solving my pimple problem and now it is scarring my face
19th: have to stoop so low to apologise to people who first piss me off
20th: not having dirty talks for a very LONG TIME
21th: have not met my closes friends from NVSS for a very long time.
22th: having to put up a fake smile toward asshole so that people wont think that i am the asshole
23th: not able to slash the people who ask me to shut up
24th: force to be somebody else in some friendship; not being able to do what i normally do in my normal life.
25th: not being able to solve my problem



ok, that is my problem!!
mr/ms annoymous

care to share ur view??

aniway, below is something i pick up from blogthing. com
it just for fun.....

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Hello PEOPLE!!!

how are ya!!haha, last few days i had fun !,

hari RAya mah. aniway, here are some photo i gonna share with U GUYS!!!!!!!

Let begIn wITH My FAce!!!! WAH LAH LOOK BLOATED!! damn FAT WHAt  

ZUlakmal and Along, the Two eldest Brother!!! 

THIS CUTE PIE!!!!! haha,  

Yana again, ya , she love self photo 

Try eat lah, hunggry you know, see plate, it is all red, LOL, muz be damn spicey plus it is chicken!!!!!! that guy below is my second brother. we dont look alike!!! to vast the difference 

MY cuzzin also, YAni and alfian, haha, cool huh!!! hey boy, dunno how to smle izzit?? 

JUz dun look at me, it is ugly, enjoy that two beauties beside me 

Liyana, my eldes bro, me, sharul and zulhilmi!

LOL. My cuzzin and MY BROther. HE LIKe to act cool that GUY in BLUE 

The second eldest brother!!

Princess !!!! I love this photo!

Dont mess with me 

Along n Sweet Yani

Angry CHildren