Finding that missing puzzle...

It's friday!! My late day have ended. the week is smooth sailing, nothing up and nothing down. I hope it continue to be that way. I just want this semester to be a breeze.


Plus I started studying before any major exams even begins. I don't usually revise my work but since my lecturer is so kind enough to trim the lecture notes every semester. I am getting less brain-drain for her and to such an extend I have to read up and and do my own research about the topic.

I hate doing revision too often. I don't like sitting down and let my whole upper body weight compressed my big ass. But no matter how much my complain, I still have to do it anyway. I got so much more reading up to do.
I just hope my brain don't back fired as that piece of muscle is totally underuse lately. Plus pray for me that my brain have a good stamina to study longer.

Moving on, something feel incomplete. What is that missing puzzle? I don't really know. I am trying to found out what is that. Well, it is kind of irritating to feel so......empty and you cant figure out what is missing? well, look like this one of the thing that only time will tell....


Anyway, anyone of know how to remove eyes bag? Please tell me a.s.a.p.

Got to fly!!

BLoody tear of disappointed Uterus


Well, now.........it nice to sit down and read up your notes and study at your own pace. It even better when time is not against you for now. I have so many things to do. I just wish that time just move slower....take a chill pill abit..


being a sophomore come with a price, more responsibility and more self-directed learning...
more work and more worries..........I am just afraid that I may become incompetent nurse.
but rest assure, I would not be that...

I have just return home after studying the human repforductive system. I learnt alot more now.
Plus I figure out this trend, I am studying about the Vagina and penis every two years!
It begin at Secondary 2(2002), chapter 5......and then Sec 4 (2004)chapter 21 and now year 2(2006) in a poly for my bioscience module.So people, you have not right to call me a pervert or whatsoever because of obvious reason...

When come to tutorial today, Dr Param said this " the lining of Uterus will grow to prepare and welcome the arrival of a fertilise egg. But when the egg is not fertilise, the lining will be shed and here come" The Bloody tears of the Disappointed Uterus"(menses). LOL


Anyway, my fuse have been very short lately. Becoming more impatient.....well, i should do something about it. If not this tempered gonna make me miserable in the end.


So now, someone think that i have changed.
Let me say this " I have not changed. I am still the same old hasrul who is profoundly still a total klutz and a still talk alot and most of the time cheery. Expect when studying.....hehex..

K den, Got TO fly!!

it is 11.50 pm, tomorrow I am having an 8 pm lesson........well, i don't feel like sleeping..
I tend to become more nocturnal lately. I don't know why......but my biological clock seems to be working over time.....

anway, I have not been reading the papers lately, so I am abit slow upon knowing about this jc boy who killed himself because he thought he had a small penis. Ok, I pity he wasted his life because of such trivial matter. gosh, What is wrong with the world. At first, i find this matter really stupid and I find the boy very stupid and selfish. Does it occur to him that his death would only bring more pain than relief. I am sad that somebody choose to end the gift of life just like that.......but upon further I found out that this boy was also having depression due to stress of his school work. Well, the article claim that he comes from a "one of the top jc". So stress is somehow expected but he must have not handle the heat well. I cant really comment on the intensity of the stress in a jc, because I was never in their system of education but I assume it must be really bad.

Giving education to student until they are at the brink of their sanity till it lead them to depression.......is that really education? Yes, stress is good because it stimulate the mind to think but to make it until this extend? hmm, somebody need to do something. Or may do some extra education on how to handle stress...seriously, life of sweet young thing cannot go to waste just like that....

plus if anyone of you is thinking of suicide!! please dont do it. see your counselor.
Talk to someone, Dont hurt yourself or even your the person you love so much because of your one irrational action. Value your life.....

anyway, enjoy this song, my favourite since i don't know when......

Enya

Who can say where the road goes,Where the day flows?Only time...
And who can say if your love grows,As your heart chose?Only time...

(interlude)dee dah day, dee dah day, dee dah daydee dah doe day doe, dee doe day doe
Who can say why your heart sighs,As your love flies?Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,When your love dies?Only time...
(interlude)dee dah day, dee dah day, dee dah daydee dah doe day doe, dee doe day doe

Who can say when the roads meet,That love might be,In your heart.
And who can say when the day sleeps,If the night keeps all your heart?Night keeps all your heart...

(long interlude)dee dah dah dahdee dah dah dahdee dah dah dahdee dah dah dah

Who can say if your love grows,As your heart chose?Only time...
And who can say where the road goes,Where the day flows?Only time...
Who knows?Only time...
Who knows?Only time...

Injection lesson!!

Yes, i realised I do not update my blog frequently. Well, I believed it is one of those day ( more like one of those month) where the power of laziness is too much to resist. Plus with my re-addiction to this nonsensical no purpose game called " Mu", updating my blog is like at the back of my mind. Yes, I am so unmotivated. Hey, I don't see you people update as as often as before. Look at meinbereich.blogspot.com, what happen there? It used to be so much fun and enjoyable just to read its content but now may be author is running out of juice or just too busy fulfiling his/her social responsibility. Whatever it is, I hope it will be as fun as before or may be even better.

Talking about the blog, have you people realised that the more a blogger got a tag by readers the more often he/she will blog. See the connection? If you don't understand what I am talking about, please go up to some mountain( opps,Singapore there no mountain, going to the summit of Bukit Timah will do!) and meditate and at least act trying to fathom what I am saying. Well, I don't have statistic to prove my hypothesis but don't you get feel that? or is it just me?

Well, I don't deny when I post an entry, i expect somebody to tag me and Give me some comments about my entry or even support/disapproves in whatever topic in I am talking about. Which blogger do not want a tag? of course, every blogger wants somebody to tag them. Plus if nobody seem to tag them and not leave with any constructive comment, the blogger would be somehow disappointed that what he is writing is no making any response. Thus, do you expect him/her to be motivated to write another entry? Do you? Well, most probably no, he/she would think what is the point writing when nobody seem to care?

Yes Yes, It is freaky that now that blogger feel the amount of care and concern that his friends and significant others is giving him have to be somewhat the same as the amount of tag he/she received from the person. Plus, I am not talking about you, Or you, or even you who have still have that irritating skeptical look on your although I already said it not about YOU! LOL.
I am saying this as a generalisation, well, that me I love to generalise and stereotype people. HAhA. I am not bad lah, but stereotyping just make complicated individual people easier to understand. Ok, lets not side track anymore, when nobody tag my blog, I feel so ignore like nobody seems to care. Boo hooo hoo......

So now before I you people close this blog of mine, I implore all of you to tag me before you leave!! I dont write this 5 mediocre paragraph just to be ignore again!! so TAG ME!! LOL....
Gosh, I crack myself up. The more You tag the more I will update! hehex.....

It is psychology thing.......so tag me, i will also tag yoU! so this will be a win-win situation we can be both happy and we will update more in our own bloG!

thank you very much and have a nice DAY!!

LOL

3 day as a Sophomore..........

still the same as yesterday.....

so finish school and then when to north view secondary.


I always find peace going to north view
well. it fun going there coz the teachers and me well, we are more closer than ever before
I talk to Mdm Rina and Mdm Aini alot........we chat alot.......
well, not many get that from a teacher..........

well, it fun !! today!! except the morning!
LOL

Two days as a Sophomore!!


STRESS!! suddenly, I am stupid all over again!! feel so disorientated.....


but Ultimately, I lost my mojo!!! LOL...... ok.,no lah, It is just that I do not possess my Motivation anymore.

Especially yesterday! I feel so lethargic.........

My hypothesis is that the 'monday blue' and adding to it is the "return to school syndrome".
That is powerful motivation buster to beigin with.....

Anyway

Due to my new found disease name "Cognitive incontinence"


all information from my last year education have been kindly return to my lecturer...
now info storage in my mind is 0%.

LOL.........


anyway................................
I am uncontactable until friday evening......

you know why?????


becoz my FCUKING PHONE WAS SENT to nokia care centre for the 3rd time in 8days!
fooking phone................ it just make my life more miserable......

sch begins today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


shuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



mummy i dun want go school *grumble*



k den , it is 7.40 am tatas

long post beware!!

ok. I was reading my entries in my private blog and i discover something. Yes i have a private blog, who don't? anyway, this occur to me that.......


most of us is a victim of our own emotion.
we are always having a sense of insecurity, loneliness and despondency.for example........


this is a post from my private blog....


19/3/2006


So deep I have fallen,
worse than Lucifer expel from heaven
teary eyes went beyond swollen
I find comfort in a dark cold cavern


Well, the poem fits perfectly for todays entry.
People come people go, they just don't stay anymore...
in the end they will be gone, some soar away, some disappear and some dissolve in memory.

Some are nice and some are not nice. Some we miss alot and some we hope are missing. BUT in the end, they will all go away.


so my question is, why do we have to meet them in the first place? After years of emotional investment, they will fly away. In the end you are left mending the pain of losing your friends.LOL.

In the end, what is the point in having them in the first place?
So that everytime we lose a friend we can feel lonely?
LOL, might as well get use to being lonely ritex.
Well, from my previous post, depending on someone makes you vulnerable.
So this what friends do, thought it is a double-edge thing, in the end, you will cut yourself.

k den got to fly!!

end of post



*I know how u guys feel, i sound pathetic......simply pathetic.LOL
incrediblely i only have vague memories about this post.....
maybe i wrote it in an impulse...... I am flabbergasted that I have this type of thought in me,seriously, it is weird. may be the cause of it is that we listen to our heart rather than our brain. ok, this is really funny. I am laughing at my own entry but if u think this is bad, it got worse....


23/3/2006

Bind my hearts and soul
this blog hold all
hush! whatever here must never be told
Silent! just listen to my call.


In the corner again, looking up......there is nothing to look forward too.
Something is bugging me, what if somebody find out about this blog?
hmm? would there be any who would figure that I am the writer of this blog?
Who will know who is "I"?

but then again, not many blog hop ritex?

I got a new phone. I kind of like but at the same time, good stuff carry responsibility.
I just hate it. Even if it is small one, it is like a i am bearing the weight of heaven and earth.
I just want to be free!


I dont my feet to feel the ground. I want to go beyond it. No point stay in this lonely world.
I want to away. far away from this physical world. Somewhere far where I can be myself and alone again. I know that one day I am the one who will one day walk alone in this road.
I will bear nothing and nothing will hold on to me.

I dont feel attach to anyone anymore. Nothing is dear to me. I feel that no one is this freaking life is significant anymore. I am becoming more cynical by the days. I got this feeling that I am going to be a hermit soon.

I dont know why but I yearn for a friend. I have plenty of them but no more a very close friends. The one which you can just call up out of the blue and complain to him/her about how piss you are toward someone shits. I used to have that I my secondary sch but now more.
I am just like freaking alone. Nothing is there for me and no one to listen to this voice of mine.
My complain, my weakness and my emotion is in this blog. Pathetic.

Like I have no life! but since when I have a life anyway.
MY life is like a sand that have been smash like a big waves. It just go with the flow.
boring.....My back have no back bone......i am just a follower.


Shits, I got distracted. It broke my chain of thought. LOL

LOL, Gosh, I really make myself sound pathetic. That why I dont usually like to listen to my heart. It have alot of rubbish to say and in the end I become dsyfunctional.

Ok, let not follow this heart of mine. THis is enough for todaY.


end of post


I am laughing!! wahahahhahahahahaahhaahhahahahahahahahha. oh god,
Give me P. Give me an A. Give me T. Give me H. Give me an E, .Give me a T
Give me I Give me a C. why do you get????? PATHETIC!!!!!!!!! LOL... ok, If i was in that depressive mood, i wonder where did i get the strength to write all this.
Honestly...........This is a joke. I know i wrote this but i dunno why I wrote this.
sheesh.......LOL, anway, Dont take everything in today entry seriously. I am laughing at my own epitome of stupidity.

ok this is the worst!!






24/3/2006

Innocence of new born
As pure as untouch land
by time it is tattered and torn
such purity dissipate in the sand



how I wonder? Why I become what am I now? have you ever wander why suddenly you behave that way? why suddenly you are like this? Why is your character behaving that way?

If you say it is genetic then I would ask you this," then why should we live life instead since we are so called " programme" to do something?"

i wonder what wrong with me. More importantly what went wrong.Why am such a depressing little bastard? Why I am such an ugly little rat still living here?
TY say something in his blog that make me write this entry.

I hate myself for being such a loser. I have nothing to compare to others. People out there have money,good looks, great partner and great life. I am nothing compare to those people. I wonder why am I not born into a rich family??I wonder? Why life is so cruel to me in a way that it wants me to suffer and I have to keep lying to myself everyday that I am not a materialistic person. I lie to myself thinking I am alright. I lied to everyone around thinking I am proud of myself. BUT not know. I hate myself. I have nothing practically. I have no asset........

Why am the one who is weird in the family? what went wrong for me? Why Am I not that normal. Why Am so evil? I am a total flaw. An anomoly to the world. I backstab, gossip and lie. I am once so pure, but what am i now/ I am a sigh disgust. Like a pariah, I should not be near to anyone..........just be isolated

I am just driting apart.........can say I am broken.broken everywhere......I am the men with a thousand facet. I have many sides but which one is truly mine.

end of post

this is what happen when u listen to your heart. too much.......you become ridiculous.....woooo hooo... my stomach hurts.........i cannot fathom what am i blabbering about......ok...

so in the end what have I learn?well, it no use to feel negaitive feeling which is going to make you look like a fool. seriously learn to ignore this type of nonsense.

life suck i noe, if it not it would be boring and we dont know wht is fun in the first place. all this negative emotion do not need our attention. Thank god there is a blog, now i can see the fool i was.LOL

so ppl cheers!!!

sad, i am like so sad...........

my new phone less than a month is somewhere in some lab being treated for beaing very faulty.


My phone i miss you already . haiz.............missing my phone.
I feel so depress that my phone is temporarily gone.....

sob.........

already am so lonely, now with my phone gone.........i am even more lonely.....

when the sky seems dark!! i will live through it and find my own happiness!!

Dull, i am not emotionallly well. After 20 months of blogging, i am finally sick of it.


sick of blogging.....becoming lame i guess



so wat I do today, I went to nyp for cca and then when to nvss for cca also.