Tired of being not me!!

Oh my GOD!! I miss saying vulgarities with everyone and anyone.
argggghhhhhhhh........................................i hate being a goody- goody person.
On top of that, I hate COMPROMISING!!!!!!


Damn damn damn, even in msn i dun even have the freedom to be what I am!!!

Izzit, abig deal If i put the word "fuck" in my nick???
what the hell!!


I am a socially-deviant boy!!!!! whatever I am and whatever i do is socially devianT!! So please do Fuck OFF if YOU want to question me in something which have nothing to do with your pussy. MINd your OWN BLOODY BUSINESS!!!!!!!! I do what I like......I dun need narrow minded ass to tell me what i cannot do.


YEs, yes, I am a very vulgar person. I used alot of crude words. This is Muhammad Hasrul. I am full of attitude which is very pissing off.


talk about that, I think it work to well, Over well.
What wrong with the world??????? I was so concentrating on MTV. yes, i was concentrating as if I am in a trance worshipping sumthing. aniway, you know lah me. If i am like that, i sure keep quiet and if hell took over earth i also wont notice. Here is the point, i was not smiling.


THEN my mum came in and say" showing attitude again so that people wont change the channel ritex"

i was like " ????" what I do now? I am watching MTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wat wrong???? wat wrong???
MUz I smile to a TV too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


there was almost a big family war against me when i din smile while breaking fast.
DOTZ, I was sleepy lah! what wrong lah. PPL dun mizunderstood me.

sudah lama aku tak menuliskan dalam bahasa melayu.
sudah ku lupakan bahasa ibunda sendiri?

tak munkin, hati ini tak akan lupa bahasa nenek moyang aku.
aku sugguh gembira menjadi orang melayu. keturunan aku jika mengikut cara yang sempurna adalah melaka. Bapaku adalah keturunan melaka. Jika itu satu kebenaran, aku pun seorang anak melaka. haha. kenapa aku tiba-tiba bercakap tentang akar aku ini? tak tau lah, hati ini rindu untuk berborak-borak dengan kawanku di sekolah dengan bahasa melayu.

Sayu hati ini bila ke sekolah dengan orang yang tidak memahamiku. Sukar aku mau mengesuaikan diri di sana. sebenar aku sungguh benci dengan orang yang sungguh tidak bertimbang rasa. aku bagaikan mau putus-asa........

ku tertanya-tanya dengan diriku kenapa ini harus terjadi. di sekolah menengah aku tak buat orang macam ini. kawan baik ku bernama Quincy tak juga aku buat macam gini. aku selalu bercakap bahasa inggeris jika dia dikalangan kawan-kawan melayu. walau bagaimanapun jika ada salah seorang kawanku yang berbangsa berlainan aku selalu memastikan yang dia tidak akan rasa terbiar. Ku selalu mau dia rasa selasa dikalangan kami. Malah aku selalu memprotes dengan kawan-kawan melayu untuk bercakap bahasa inggeris jika ada kawan yang berbangsa bersasingan diantara kita. tetapi di sekolah nanyang poly, aku tidak dapat pengalaman yang sama. kawan-kawan aku di sana selalu bercakap di dalam bahasa berasingan. ku cuba memahami mereka dan cuba mengalah, tetapi kesabaran ku pun ada batas. pedih,pilu,derita aku disana. Walaupun mereka membuat suatu gurauan yang aku hilang didalam perbualan mereka, tetapi di dalam hati ini, aku mencaci mereka seburuk-buruk apa yang ada. aku benci terhadap mereka, Aku benci terhadap orang yang tidak bertimbang rasa. Aku ini tidak berbuat demikian terhadap bangsa lain, tetapi kenapa aku harus menderita and diuji oleh Allah s.w.t sebegini?

Malah, mereka menyindir ku yang aku harus membelajar bahasa cina. walaupun mereka membuat itu sebagai satu gurauan, perkataan itu bagaikan kutukan dan mencacian terhadap bahasa melayu. Bahasa yang aku banggakan.

Aku teringat persanan mak aku, "biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat"/


harus aku bersabar lagi??? harus aku teruskan hidup begini?
ku masih menunggu hikmah sebalik peristiwa ini..........



Apa Yang Aku ingat sebuaH permata. rupa-rupanya kaca berkilat tidak berharga.

I have nothing in common with them, I am surround with people who is not my kind.

Is the GUY at fault all the time!?



oh my god!! it just getting sickening and more sickening to hear that every bgr(boy gal relationship) breakdown, the one who is at fault is like always the guy. yeah the guy!!!


it like freaking all the time that happen.
and what you women do? oh. u ppl will just whine and whine saying haiz, guys are jerk. guys are just super scumbag that cheat on gal.....blah blah blah... your general impression of the guys.... every divorce that happen who have the blame? ya, it always the guy. the poor guy who have to put up the gal nonsensical shit.

it irritating when you gal get together , and say guys are this and that, they suck to the core and what shit have you but at the same time still attach to a guy. omg. what you ppl doing is like total hypocrite. dat is so low. prove your point lah. be a lesbian....if not dun say guys are jerk or some shit like that....

that is so irritating!!!!! totallly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That does that kind of thought run into your mind like all the time?that all guys suck???? you ppl love to generalise about men. Hello slut and bitches out there!!! YOUr not perfect either!!!!! women do that also!!!


yaya, this give me this scenario that "ohh, that guy two timing me, i was cheated although i gave my heart and soul to him, (but if u give ur vaginity that is equal that ur a dumbass , no wonder u gt cheated)"


typical scenario, gudness sake. ladies look at yourself when that happen. guys dun do such stuff unless you really suck!! yeah, u muz be a sucky Gf in the first place until you turn him off all the way. but if he break up with you coz you dun want to give in to sex, yeah that gud !!! but dis does not mean that guys are horny bastard that is stuck in ur narrow minded mind,. FOr YOUr Info, gal are much more hornier on the bed than guys!!! when he walk away from you that mean he knows that relationship is going to fail anyway. something when wrong or just he feel that your not the type he is looking for animore.at this stage is also know as Trial -and-Error stage, this is were he learnt what type of ppl suit him.

He make the first move quickly so that u ppl wont suffer any longer. Get in over and done with. please lah, break up dun happen out of the blue, there are many way it will manifest it way, it just the matter whether of you blinded to see it or not. plus now, who ask you to invest so much in him? are you that naive that ur relationship can end up to marriage without divorce. I specific say " without divorce". how can you be so sure? have dated all sort of guy? what if you found someone better? you dont know ritex. hey what seem to be perfect at first is not what it is in the end,you understand? if you have that thought guys also do have that......


so women, my respect for ur ppl are going down rock bottom. the worse stuff is that ladies tend to be so much more demanding that ever toward their bf!!!! omg, and you blame the guy for breaking up with you??


Hello women are complicated and guys are cool people. yes they dont get stress out of nothingness. you ppl expect that to find a guy which have a complimentary complicated type like you? HELLOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you have forgotten, we are on planet earth, the third rock from the sun and not in your over fantasize Utopia...........................................................................

blogging !!
haha


yes, khai, i am updating my blog now!!!. LOLx. HappY??. haha

yesterday was my mum b'day. haha. so happy for her!!!! haha. MUMMY i love YOU so MUCH!!!!!!!!! muack muack muack!!!! YOu are so lucky to have a son like me!!!!! I come in a packagE!!!!!! wahahahahha

anyway, yesterday after my mum bday celebration. I went to audi house for some gathering . initially, i was surprise he invited me to his house.LOLx....
aniway, in his house, it was so nice to meet ppl who i have not meet for a long long long time like Audi, lolz, sze aik. vicky, henry and last but not least Hock sheng.
Gosh, they are getting crazy!!! haha, as usual tian yu always got stuck to the computer. haha, me toking to the guys about life in the hospital, so many crazy stuff happen. trust me.....

somehow, the way i said it sound like i making ppl think that nursing is juz channging diapers. LOLx
gud lah, dun want you ppl to suffer if you dun have the heart to do it. Nursing not for common ppl.
and yes, ppl tend to have hair everywhere on their body!!! LOL
truly, i had fun yesterday...

anyway, yesterday , i Kbox for the first time!!!! with me horrible voice, i think i did quite well, lolz
addicted already sia.. wahahha
k den lah gtg

I wish to make a Confession....

I wish to say that I am officially a Gay. Yes, I am a gay.
















LOLX. rubbish lah. Siao arr??? i was joking la.haha. it is lame ,i noe, .Haha.lets begins the official blogging for today...



Confession Of a student Nurse

Audi tag me and say that being sincerely kind is part of the job as Nurse.
Well,i believed in that at first. As a new student in nursing, we have a stroke with the naive thinking about nurses. Nurses are kind people who took care of the sick . Promote their independance. You will have this image of a nurse feeding a patient with much love and patience.


Well, everybody have this Angelic image of nurses.hmm, hoping you get a piece of kindness?
Fat hope. Fat hope i should say. Please be reminded that we are not in Utopia. Nothing is what it seems.

Lets begin with this, I have a view my future career during my attachment for 3 weeks at a General Hospital. Sorry, I cannot name the hospital. If they found out that I wrote this, they gonna sue me. carry on, when I graduated, I will be given a diploma in nursing and a license to practise nursing. Here the twist, nursing are like doctors too, they need a license to practice.
So who the crap say that nurse have a secure job forever? That is a lie.That is a total false. One small tiny mistake, there you go!! you will lose your license and your education level is degraded to just a mere O' level certificate. Why do I say that? If you lose your license of nursing in singapore or anywhere else, that will be in your personal record forever, And thus, nobody internationally wont be bothered to hire you. Your career is always on a thin ice if your in nursing.No matter how high you like a Master degree in Nursing, if you lose your license for a malpractice. You can just go and die. Your whole world have crumble and it cannot be restore.

So nurses now need to have a lot of saving -my-own-butt to do. Nurses will now spend more time trying to see if they practice correctly than the human touch. When I graduate from nanyang poly, I am going to be Staff Nurse. Yes, although physically I will be in the ward. I will have low human touch. staff nurse do alot more paper work or what I called it saving-my-own-ass paper work.

plus with a shortage of nurses, we dont have much of manpower. Staff nurse will be busy with nursing notes and serving medicine, and getting ready to pass report to the next shift. In one room of 8 people, there will be one nurse to take care of everything. How can we nurses give so much tender loving care with your patients? there is no time. plus so much work! 90% of nurses do not go for break throughout their 8 hours+++ shifts. You will be ultra exhausted by the end of the days. Trust me. You donts sit down most of the time. You will be walking around.

Furthermore, with time constraint, this will be a low nurse-patient interaction. There is no chance of therapeutic communication with patients. Nurses will be very busy plus will response very slowly toward patient call.

Honestly, you wont see nurses saying this type of phrase" Uncle, how can I help you? YOu want this, OK let me help you."
Here the reality, an Uncle want the urinal. He press the call bell and ask for the nurse assisstance. THE nurse will come to the uncle and say" Uncle what you want?ok, you wait ah"
haha, expect TLC? dun bother.

LOLx, when a nurse spend so too much in nursing, they become numb. They lose their heart. They lose their empathy.

so sad? haha, that is reality. The reason for all this is due too shortage of nurses and it is expensive to hire a staff nurse. One day in hospital it cost more that a day in a Hotel.


But What keep a nurses going?

You will be surprised. It is emotionaly rewarding. I will not explain much on this coz it takes experiences to feel it. then you will understand. haha.


K den, I talk too much already. haha.
time to say Good bye.

Read My Body language!!!


I am the most predictable person if you know me well. What am i talking about??
haha, lets begin with this "read my body language". If you wanna communicate with me, please see all my hint if i am interested to respond to you. Hmm, Hasrul?? how am i gonna do that? well, reading body language comes in naturally.


I have a great diadvantage within, People can just read my moves. For example,if you truly sucky, irritating asshole, i wont be telling you that you are one. My face tell everything. How did i do that? don't ask me. it is an innate and inborn ability that i have.For Your info, although i may not have the intention to insult you directly, my impression of how fucking irritating you are can be manifested through my action, face and my tone. This happen sub-consciously. I have no control. well, people who know me pretty well will know that i am in a Bitching Mode when I start my sentence with a roaring " Hello....blah blah blah" with my right hand striking the air. When that Happen, please watch out, vulgarites going to be involved. I am going to use alot of the word "sluts"in my conversation.

So basically, I can piss you off without saying anything or even realising it. YOU want example? you want it? ok, Lets have something which most of the northview ppl are familiar with. YOu guys should remember my 'dearest" form teacher Mdm Song!! Yess, that lady!!!
she practically hated me!!! why? why did i do? ok you know what i do? I roll my eyes at her everytime she look at me. Ok i did not realise that my body language was that powerful at the time. I did not realise that I love to do that also. It come in such a naturally way. I thought it is ok. but hell no. Everybody got an issue with that, my mum, my aunts, my brothers , my dad; practically everyone. the funny thing is that i did not even have the intention to slash them with my body language. I was like "Hello, I did not realise that I eye-slash at you" there i go again, starting my sentence with hello. OK for that sentence, that some slight bitching there.

Moving on, Mdm Song choose a damn good time to break about my body language problem. That was during PTI. dont tell me you forget what the heck is PTI. it is Parent Teacher Interaction for God's sake. She come to my seat, and talk to my dad, she was mocking my eye-slash toward my father. saying my body language blah blah blah, basically not very good. what the hell!!!! she did that in such an UGLY manner. It was horrendously, horrible, terrible and ultimately digusting. My father freak out and start scolding for doing that. I mean like " Hello !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she did that in such an ugly manner and you want to equate that to me!!!!, OUtRAGEOUS, i a million times better than her" ok ok, strike two, me bitching again!!!

So let get more down to earth, so if my mum ask me to clean the kitchen against my will, hahaha, a big war may occur. I start to stomp my way into the kicthen, (strike one- that can piss u off already), my face expression will change( strike two- if you see that, you have the urge to rip my face off, this include eye-slashing. You got to see it to believe it) next once I enter the kicthen you will hear " ping, pangs ! bang!. plate droping on the floor. all sort of stuff( strike three- word war begin, then they will accuse me of having attitude problem and being rebellious) Please be inform all this happen without me consciously aware. My anger manifest itself in that way.

Worse part of having a powerful body language is that people expect you to have the same body language like everyday. for example, this frequently happen to me. Everybody know me as a sunshine person, I joke around and talk nonsense. If YOu one day, i came to school not smiling and just sitting down keeping quiet. People will come like mosquitoes and say "hasrul, You ok or not?. you got a problem izzit? Why are you angry? "

Ok people thanks for your concern i should say. BUt you know what?? it is irritating when i have to answer that question many times. hello keeping quiet equal to sad izzit? For heaven sake " my silence mean nothing. YOu expect me to smile and be cheerful everyday and everywhere i go izzit? wah lau, That madness, Madness!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i be insane if i do that. You dont expect me to smile while i am urinating in the toilet ritex? siao. WHo always do that to me? Ms Phua , my chemistry teacher. Out of nowhere she will ask me , why do I look so sad? I was like what the?? there nothing wrong wit me!! hello!!! earth to Miss Phua...i am still normal cheerful person. LOLx

So there last thursday My aunt, a nurse too, she say, hasrul, as a nurse you must be a good actor. you cannot show ur unhappiness toward patients coz they can complain about you about ur poor attitude. ur body language is a great danger to your career, there she start to blabber and blabber and blabber about nursing, you should not do this and that and blah blah blah.. Damn, I was like going to ask her shut up her crap. yeah yeah i noe, Ur a nurse for a long time, big deal!!! Goodness how irritating ppl can be......Yaya, my face expression it nt good, I cant hide my emotion. duh, i am an expressive and emotional guy. LOLx. dun let me have bitch fits with ur lecture. my ears hurt.


i just realise something,if I begin my sentence with " i was like...." that mean i am going to bitch also.........hmmm.

so i tell you to much about myself that it can be a weapon to you against me. but who care??
hahaha. got to go!!!!

I am a faggot....unfortunately...


I am a unique...different..........


few days back, my father shared something with the family.
His old friend called him up. They chatted for awhile! and then his friend ask about
my family, how is everyone...blah blah blah....

and then before he end the conversation he ask this; how that son of yours?
still like that ?( refering about being a sissy)

father; haha. he is still like that . gt slight improvement. a little bit only...
hahhahahhaha

and then they say bye bye.....


my whole family laugh after hearing that story......
oh ok....i laugh with them , well, actually, they were laughing at me.....


then my mum add on, haha, well that happen to me too....
she said that everytime she meet someone, they will always ask about me.
in their conversation, they will sure make special "segment"
which is "YOUr son STILL is a sissy or not??" or still like that arr??"


i i ask my mum whether she regret having me or not?
she said no, but she also ask and wonder why this happen to her family...
ppl ask " why must it been in her family"
my mum is strict and abit aggresive in nature...but it really a wonder why this things happen to her...



All my Life!!!!!!!!!!! All my freaking fuck up fucking stupid full of insult depressing crazy hurtful mentally torturing Life!!!!!!!
I try To be fucKING POSitive!!!


`but now i just cannot feel that why, i try very hard to be happy, not to remove the smile on my face but somehow!!! enough is enough!!


to all those bastard and bitches , moron and asshole, slut and giglo.....
whatever happen to my development is not ur fucking concern!!!!!!!
fucking biatch and sodomise bastardise mind of stereotypical male babi butoh punye sundal punye Orang.


you think i want to be that way izzit!!! you think i love being a sissy and being insulted izzit??
my life is hell, some hell which people do not know.....you know coz you people are so
called "normal" . yeah, ur voice break, u like thrilling shows, boys should do this ,boy should do that,. becoz i dun like soceer like my father is a big "wow" something wrong with ur child"
yeah, i am normal not like you becoz i do all the fuck up socially constructed stuff that define me that i am a male!!!!!!!!
you know to all this shits " FUck YOU"

I am sissy, that does not mean i am happy about It!!!!!!!
But i am trying to get the best OUt of My fuckinG LIfe which YOU bunch Of so called " Normal" people Have destroy!!!!!!!!!!! I am a sissy , that not your fucking problem, I try to chnage that , i really do...... I try to live Up to your fucking defination of male!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


but you know what, i have enuff of this shits........
plus those guys who thinks boys cannot cry, i would say this to you" get ur fucking big asshole of the world and jump down to the lowest level of hell and please offer ur self to the devil so that he can sodomise you!!!!!

the only reason guys die faster is becoz you people with that type of thought (including sluts) have disallow guys of the past until now to express their emotion!!! so they bottle up their feelings and die a terrible non-contented death.


so in summary, i am not happy for who i am, please bare that in mind. somehow it is like
a neonatal defect on me......i was born that........................
so make my life easier and shut up!!!!!!!

you dont go to a down syndrome boy and ask him this: hey , your IQ become high that qualify to go a normal primary sch? oh,, not yet arr? okok.....you will soon become intelligennt like normal people...........

that nonsensical, that is how it works for me too.....i am not saying that i leave to fate that i am faggot but it juz happen.....it not fully my fault!!!!!!

if You dont want to be born a sissy or a tomboy, that goes for me too....
i dont want that too.....
i do want to be so call normal...
but it is juz not me, not for now i hope..

this is something beyond my mind, i cannot control the hormones in me!!
or how my body work??
it just there is nothing to be blame on for who i am..


it totally fated......i juz hope ppl understand me more.......

Incrediblely sane!!

i am really a not craZy person which i think i am
owww!!! depressing !!!!!
why i said that ???....hmmm
becoz i am my brothers is much more Insane than me!!!
damnation!!
how the hell I was born in to this family??
but whatever it is " I love them ALL""

muack muack muack!!!!!!!
those sweet pie!!! opps, sorry, fasting!!!
haha, hmm
but sometimes, I mean always, they love to piss me ass off!!
why?
duh!

I am the most sane one in the family!!
of course i cant tolerate a simple act of insanity!!
nope nope nope!!!


no such nonsense!


am I the most heartless thing in the world??
ok , here is what happen.
my youngest brother the little chicken hearted freak of nature just cannot stand watching horror movie!!!
so we were watching the show call " thirdteen Ghost"- ok, not that scary lah since
they cut out lots of the violent part.

damnation !! what the hell !!!
anyway, it was on AXN,
so then my little brother, cuddle up in his blanket and
say " alang, (that me) can you tap me to sleep?

me: hey, dun expect tender loving care from me!!!
i almost said ' go to hell'

i was like " most of the time i dun give much of shit to my patients and u expect me to do that ???
nonsensical!!!

yes, yes, i m heartless,,,,,

i am self -centred person, i admit that ,,,,
really i am, i will be mad if i din get to watch my tv show or
i would be very piss if u take the last piece of chicken,,,,


ok, i love chicken !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
expect me to die of vascular disease....
heart attack may be

ermm..that the same thing.....

Friends are like television

Some are like SCV,

Always asking for money

Others are like the news,

with sad tales to tell everyday

Some are like the one station with the foreign station;

You don't understand a word of it

But you listen and watch anyway

Then there are the ones like commercials,

Always changing,

Ever-so-annoying,

And only seem to be there when your bored

But every once in a while you meet someone,

Who's like a really good movies of the week,

or that on TV show,

You hardly ever get to see anymore

Because your're so busy

poem taken from : http://pui5t3r-zlack3r-z30.blogspot.com/

haha, that a great poem for you to ponder...

at certain level, it have some sense , some possibility

haha, talk about choose your friends wisely.....

well, what is the world without friends??

i

t would be havoc!!! haha , if you ask me about when i am sec 1

I would say "what the heck friends for'

they are just tool to be exploited

lolx

ok lah, i am once a person who dont believe in friendship

I got bullied, when i am in primary school

duh !!!

aniway,

sweet sweet northview

where I meet great people.....

the Angels that guide me.....

sweet sweet friends

though we are very far apart now

knowing you is still like dawn

leaving you behind still like fresh wound

sweet sweet memories

the treasure that I only left

time will not let you turn to dust

you shall be mine to keep

sweet sweet time

you let us move on

go beyond the horizon

sweet sweet challenges

you make me stronger

stronger that I ever felt before

Lastly, sweet sweet God

without nothing is possible

You're the bottomline for everything

I am not here without your permission

You are always Fair

Every failure YOU replace it with something better

************