change my blog to.......

http://www.twisted-soul-broken-inside.blogspot.com/

OK, this where i blog since August 13 2005 till September 15 2005.....

The Dark season of my life.... ok.......

Finally, my computer is ok.....
she old......

part of ageing......


so this mean i do not need to to use nyp computer any longer........


i was so happy that i meet up wit huda,liyana, quincy , sarala and tian yu...
it just so fun to be with them again...with people who i can share my emotion with....
that evening was great, ok fine, i was sick of eating fast food, it always the same stuff, juz not my type
of food anymore....
so decided to eat at chong pang.
haha, of all the places...why must be that place.....
dunno, hawker food seems to be nice.
then after that we sat at the side of the reservoir opposite safra....

jus seating there star gazing, and we talk....
it so beautiful to have a group of people who speak the same language as you

LOLx......

i am dreading my life in poly.....it seem nice at first...
u noe, i feel so unwanted, so alone......like no one seems to care....
though i am always wit my clique physically, in the mind i am not...
i feel left out....everytime i am with them, their language is mandarin...
i mean like "helo", i am a malay here, i am not that petty until u muz always speak english.
it ok for u to speak that language, but please be culturally sensitive to me also,

juz becoz darina can understand chinese, does not mean i can...
every detail that u guys speak is in chinese, every conversation there is, muz i always ask for translation..
why cant u ppl automatically tell me what going on, instead u make me feel so clueless...

it juz heart shattering to use the term that we are friends but we only being superficial...
i dunno you, i dunno what going on....every joke u guys make is sumthing which i dun have a clue....
plus u still make jokes like " hasrul is so lost" then u expect me to smile
dont you know it suck to be that way, to be confuse and dumb....

when i tok about it, u say i am being very emotional..how long u expect me to bottled up my tots and feeling
how about u guys spend a week with bunch of malay.
wait, u guys dun have malay friends until i came into the picture
so how could u understand ritex?

u dunno how hurt i am..
how i dread to go to sch..
u dunno that being silent killed me from the inside...

seriously i am really asking myself " what the hell did i get myself into?"

i am now truly lost...

FRUSTRATION!!!!!!


It is the hungry ghost season and i have not seen a ghost!!!!
Calling all dead people!!!! hey, please spice up my dead life.

ok, dun try to knock some sense into me....
i am senseless.....yeah....proud to be one...

Ok now, i heard some ghost story from my mother.
well, not actually ghost lah, but really mysterious story....

well, it is about my great grandfather. They call him "juju".
please dun comment on that name....it funny i noe....

JuJu- the mysterious Bomoh_ in my family blood........

well, wat i have hear from my mother is that. he is very powerful bomoh....
recently, my mum and my grandpa when to johor, coz my grandmother sister in law pass away,
then when they reach the destination, this guy came and say, WAh, "Misdawi ya(my grandfather name)? ok my grandfather say yes, thenthat guy say" wah, Juju is so amazing but too bad he have a difficult death.

my mum dunno about him lah, coz she was about 1 plus yrs old when Juju died...
but she told me this, everytime she gt sick......like a fever, there is always this "thing" that come over to her, and blow her, then her fever subside......
in reality, it true, i have never see my mother got sick until that fever. for me when i have fever,i would shiver like hell, but my mum do not have that. i nver seen her that way.

everytime she nt well, that thing will come to her....she describe that thing as a white colour figure...like in chinese opera, that thing have flag like all over the place....she undergo an operation few years back, well, after the surgery, when she is the ward under the effect of anesthesia. she saw that thing beside the bed. juz standing there, but ironicly, she feel safe wit that thing. that thing gave a sense of security, conform and relief. my dad dunno about this, i am the first to know.

weird, someone that that spirit was not conjure by her, but somehow it came spontaneously.
well, may be it is becoz of what Juju have done, he is a bomoh after all. that one the spirit was pass done from one genereation to another. some say it wil end by the seventh genereation.......but too bad, it wont pass down to me, coz i follow my father's blood mah, . lolx. so wasted, i can put the spirit into gud use...lolz

k denn
gtg

OK,

Now i noe why yesterday there is strong smell of incense last night....

LOLx, it the hungry ghost festival!!!!

Gudness......haha

Hope something freaky happen to me.....
haha, that would be so fun.....seeing a ghost.....


Ok nvm that.....
anyway, it seem i have not been writing some intelligent entry...
i have been using offensive word....... lolz
dunno why... after i had my fever i become like that...
making fun of ppl.....
criticising about everything.....
haha, feel kind of great doing that.......

it juz so nice being that way.....
it fun to do stuff and your not bothered by what other ppl think.........

and oh yah to this slut in my class

i do whatever i want to do.......
if i want to talk, i do it anyway.......
....Please learn to mind ur YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!

if ur nt happy, i suggest please kindly move ur ass away.........

shooo shooo

hmmm, sorry, i wont call you bitch.....
you will be a insult to all bitches in the world....

SO a slut and a whore suit you better !!!!!!!!!!!

yup yup. lemme give u a clap!!!!!!



Moving on.......

national day is coming!!!!!
lolx, how i wish i am in north view celebrating in national day.... haiz....that will be so fun......


LOL

i cant wait to watch the parade......
.....haha....

but the best national day i had was in kindergarden..... lol......


haiz...getting older make me sick.....

I dun wanna grow up!!!!! nor i want to be like Michael Jackson.....
please lah, michael jackson is juzt a freak of nature.....
his nose remind me of a pig ( no offence to anyone who have a high regard for pig)
arrg....

seriously, he need to jump down from tallest building,,,,,
that will end all his misery......


again, argHHHHH!!! vomit blood.....

aniway, back to my point.....

haiz.....getting older mean more responsibility...and
less time for myself....
it jus no fun being adult.....

it suck......
being independance is worse......

OK fine i am not being realistic....


but watever it is, i dunna wanna grow up.......
i prefer being a kid............



i am not writing some argumentative essay here....
so i wont be bother to prove anyting....

if i think it is like that, the it will be like that

anyway, this is my blog....


i say what i want....



if u think what i say is some social deviance..... then sue me....

like WHATEVER !!!!!!!!

so wat am toking about since the beginning of today's entry...
i have no idea, i am juz writing stuff that pop up in my brain......



Once more thing!!!!!! NYP COMPUTER SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let start bitching!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!! juz full of fucking stuff happening in my super fucking life!!!!!!


FIRst I had a super fuck up week. Down with a bloody flu, i was at my most vulnerable and pathetic state............... arggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!

Plus I was emotionally not stable........
haha. this i say i wanna die???? LOLx. kiss my brown ass,
me dying???? no.......duh... i am a great asset to the world.....
dun agreed wit me?? then bye bye.........
nobody is reading this anyway......
i am ok now, but my spine is killing me.............it hurt....
Prepare to get the news that i am going to be paralyse soon......lolx


next thing is..... MY BLOODY FUCKING COMPUTER BROKE DOWN.

WAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last week was very fuck UP!!!!!!

First FUCKING EVENT

i GOT SICK

second fuckin event!!!!

I screw up my clinical theory


Third Fucking evenT!!!
GOT some bloody presentation to do!!!!!!!
I piss off my group members.....
i feel kind of great actually..........

Fourth blah blah blah

I become suicidal!!!!

wat the shit!!!!


Lastly and obviously not leasT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BLOODY FUCKING COM BROKE DOWN........


ok, i am repeatting my whining!!!!!

hey, i dun talk as much as i used too......
duh.....i hardly whine...............



how bout this week???

hmm. ok i am using NYP com to blog!!!!
BUT the block the tag board!!!!!

wat the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

so dumb!!!!