just got back

im tired and sleepy but i got the urge to blog....
well, let me do a quickie and i shall go slumber..


few hours back my family and i were celebrating my uncle 50th bday at east coast!
gosh! time really flies....


during the evening i decided to take a stroll down east coast park nearby to chalet alone.
well, then i walk by a bicycle shop and the next thing i knew already rent one alone


cycling slowly and at my own pace..it feel wonderful
it feels peaceful. yes it really feel peaceful.
i did not tell anyone that rent a bicycle...
suddenly being alone feel better...

i cycle to the end of east coast park where i decide to take a break...and self-photo whore
























haha! I cant believe i self-photo whore in public...but well it is me, so it is nothing new...


then the sun set and i end up at some jetty ....
dunno where it is but feel the gush of wind running through my hair is sensual
and with my omnia around it gave me some inspiration to write.

well, i dunno whether u may understand but i will share wat i wrote later//

here some extra pic











me again!






I know it is blurry but i was riding on this baby who keep me accompanied this evening..








at this jetty i wrote two poems...
lol, i am no poet so dont laugh/cuss at me..

Ocean

Im here by the ocean of tears

Gliding through the wind of despair

It strength pierce through every inch of my soul

My spine shiver in fear

Nothing in me is spare

I am feeling cold but it can never be told...

I can feel that my heart is being shear..

My mind is beyond repair

And i am alone and no one to hold..

Am i still this poor dear?

Who Never experience being paired....

Lasting till i am old...

If my soul was seed

If my soul was seed

Let it be on the highest summit.
Let it know no love
Let it know no friends..
For no other tree grow at the mountain top...

Upon the peak it grow alone...
Blooming to no sight
Bearing fruits to no one

For the tree at the peak..
May be it is a blessing..
It will not yearn for another for it have no knowledge about the others.

I wish my soul grew on the mountain end...
And I seek no one and no love for I will have no knowledge of it..

Now I am at the lowest valley. Germinate in obscurity.
Seeking warmth in a stranger life..
Wishing to be at the highest peak....



Hope u like it.....especially depressing poem!

I THINK MY MIND IS MORE CLEAR TODAY


last night i just have to let everything off my chest...let everything out...let everything bare

i always feel so much better after writing stuff out
i dunno why but may be through a blog i feel that at least i can talk to something

i like the whole world is off my chest/breast! LOL

unlike talking to people, they may have ears but they dont listen..
that is unfortunate....maybe i am that tooo


<>
what the fuck! LOL

ok nvm! I will just rewrite!

as i was saying!

there is this wise bunkmate of mine who told me that instead of accepting and be comfortable with the weakness and the shortcoming that u have, why dont u do something about it and make it better.
his words run through my mind

all my life i have believe that I am fat and i am not as fits as anyone else but i can leave with it as long as i love myself. i always use that as my life philosophy!
but come to think of it, may be i have been using it as an excuse to work hard and be better....
i should change my life perspective..

you know i have been talking to this guy, let call him......S...
he somehow told me that i am somewhat emotional and i cant control myself bitch-fit
lol...may be i am that....well, s is younger than me by a couple of years but he taught me somthing that day...i will not say here but although he is crazy and somehow funny, he taught me more about myself and he change the way i look at things now..

he may know it but i would like to say thank you


another thing is this,
there is this guy who told me that i should run and exercise more as he notice that i am more getting more lethargy by the days. yes...i have not been running lately . but instead of taking it as an advice or like a friend trying to help u out, i took it in offensive way.
i dunno why but to me it sounded like he was sayin that i am fat and should do something about it. i feel it like a slap to my face...


i know feeling that way is totally irrational and baseless
plus i should be more thankful that someone is reminding me to be healthier

i dunno why but am i taking thing negatively or am i more cynical...
hmmmmm,,,,,,

i talk to my mum about all of this and she told me this
" you think to highly of yourself. when someone tell u ur weakness it is somehow a slap to ur big ego"

hmm, may be it true......maybe i hve forgotten to be humble.....
or may be becoz i thing i am a nurse in this course that i feel that i am better it skill or may be it better in everything compare to everyone else.....

gosh, look like i forget some lesson that nursing taught me....to be humble...

humility.....

i should learn that word and understand it true meaning



ok i am gg to say something random


i miss my royal

i dunno know what wrong wit me. apparently there are many internal turmoil within me.

i know i have irritate a couples of people and even my family members is not spare.

i dunno why i am acting this way.....

i know i am in the wrong
i know whatever i say hurts someone like hell
but i really dunno why i cant bring myself to admit that i am wrong in the first place


i am being like a real bitch...

yes i may sound bitchy but am i taking this bitch story too seriously

or am i really turning to a real bitch


this week in that hostel like place, i really think that i am the worse
asshole ever,,,i know it is not nice to talk about people behind their back but i just could not control my self. i regret back stabbing,,,,


something which come natural to me like gossip bitch backstabbing......i believe i should learn to put a stop to it......
but where do i begin.......


i really piss alot of people, i dunno directly or indirectly...
gosh i should kill myself....

haiz....so disappointted in myself for acting this way,,,,